Asynchronous Video Interviews🖥️
Good morning, readers!!!👋
Did you have a nice Holiday?🎄
Ah, yes, the asynchronous video interview... That enchanting moment when technology, anxiety😰, and artificial professionalism🤖 come together to form an experience that nobody requested but everyone has to face.
Once upon a time, interviews were straightforward.
You arrived a bit early, exchanged a handshake🤝, settled into a chair that was either too low or overly modern, and responded to questions while attempting to avoid sweating through your shirt.
Now? Now you find yourself performing this ritual solo in your home🏠, conversing with a webcam as if you were a hostage reciting a scripted statement.
Progress...😑
Video interviews are not truly interviews; they are more like auditions.
You are no longer assessed based on your skills, experience, or ability to perform the job.
Instead, you are evaluated on:
- Lighting💡(if it’s too dim: "unprofessional"; if it’s too bright: "interrogation room")
- Camera angle📐(if it’s too low: "menace"; if it’s too high: "accidental confession video")
- Background🖼️(bookshelf: "trying too hard"; blank wall: "serial killer vibes")
Now, every candidate must act as an amateur cinematographer, set designer, and sound engineer.
Apologies for your accounting degree; you should have enrolled in Film 101🎥.
In a one-way video interview, you won't receive any human feedback.
No nodding. No "mm-hmm." No comforting facial expressions.
It's just you, your own reflection, and a countdown timer⏱️silently evaluating your performance.
You respond to a question and instantly start to question yourself:
- Did that make sense?🤔
- Was that response too lengthy?⌛
- Did I really just use the word "synergy" without irony?😬
There are no second chances. No opportunity for follow-up clarification.
Just the unsettling awareness that at some point, someone might view this and promptly hit "next"➡️.
Businesses often claim that video interviews allow them to "witness the true you."
The true you, naturally, is someone who:
- Has practised responses jotted down on sticky notes just out of the camera's view📝
- Is desperately holding back the impulse to shout😱
- Has participated in this very interview four times today for four separate companies, all posing the same "Describe a challenge" question🔁
Nothing conveys genuineness quite like feigned excitement presented on cue in 90 seconds or fewer🎭.
Your internet connection is bound to fail; this isn't just a chance; it's a guarantee📶❌.
Your audio will malfunction right when you share a brilliant thought.
Your video will get stuck on an expression you never knew you could pull off.
You'll find yourself spending five minutes questioning whether the platform is actually recording, all while softly murmuring "Hello? Hello?" as if you're starring in a low-budget horror flick🎃.
And indeed, this will be quietly included in your assessment📊.
The most advantageous aspect of video interviews is their efficiency, particularly for the company.
Rather than meeting candidates in person, they can watch multiple applicants in a single sitting, much like scrolling through TikToks📱:
"This one appears too anxious." "This one has an odd smile." "This one blinks excessively." "This one looks… human. Declined."
Naturally, rejection emails will still take about three weeks to send, of course📬⏳.
There are limits to automation...
Video interviews are a permanent fixture now.
They offer efficiency, scalability, and a certain emotional emptiness!
So, sit up straight. Position your ring light💡.
Act as if the red recording dot isn’t observing your spirit gradually depart from your body.
And keep in mind: if this doesn’t pan out, you can always recycle the same responses for the next 37 applications📄📄📄.
Break a leg. Or don’t. No one’s around to notice anyway😌.
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